Sunday, December 13, 2009

Dreaming dread

Awful dreams last night. I dreamed I was arguing with my instructor over my grade. She was saying she thought a B would be appropriate and I didn't agree. Three A's out of five papers and an A on the midterm spells "A" to me, even if I got a B on the final. But every time I discussed, this woman in a turban would pipe up and say, "Sounds like a B!.... B.... Yeah, that's a B!". She wouldn't shut up and as TurbanGirl is a respected colleague, I was in a pickle. Decidedly, not an awful dream but still unsettling. Good I be a wee bit nervous about finals?

What makes me say awful is the (yet another) dream of bassoony destruction. My bassoon just starts to fall apart, piece by terrible piece. First the joint lock, and then the wing joint just starts losing whole sections of wood right in my hands. The rest of it has impact damage and looks as if it is seconds from doing the same. AAAAAHHHHH! Enough, already. And in the dream I'm thinking, is this reparable? Or is this the kind of catastrophic thing that necessitates a new bassoon? Do I want a new bassoon? Will the insurance pay out for a new bassoon or will they think I did it deliberately? And why the hell do I keep having these dreams?!

So to you, dear reader. Is this a literal fear of my instrument being destroyed? Could it be a symbolic representation of something else in my life that is falling apart, or that I fear is falling apart? My bassoon is the most precious Thing that I own. Wouldn't it's dreamy destruction serve as exactly the wake-up call I would need to move on re-directing the outcome of something equally dreaded? No idea. I'm just sick of the neurosis.

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